On Getting Over Yourself

Let the gifts you have to offer the world lift you from the weight of persistent self-criticism.

It’s tough to admit but I would never talk to another being the way I speak to myself. It seemed to help me academically and professionally (or so I thought), always doing more because my ego was never pleased. Although when it comes to teaching yoga, it releases this manic, negative, weasel of a monster.

As a yoga student I have deemed myself as quite the yoga teacher critique. I have taken so many classes that I have learned what I should be listening for. So as a beginner yoga teacher, I am aware of the gap between my current abilities and what my aspirations are.

In classes I stutter, have moments when I am at a loss for words, and am so frozen in fear I am unable to move around the room. I have mounts of anxiety in the leading hours before class, then during class, I am sabotaged by my mind’s critiques: “You didn’t say those queues correctly- that made no sense,” or “That student looks very unhappy, she must not like your style of teaching.” What’s the point of teaching if I am suffering so much?

I circle back on my intention of teaching. Yoga has been my guiding light and constant through my ever changing life. Yoga builds both emotional and physical strength, cultivates an inner knowing, and leaves me feeling centered. In short, yoga allows me to enjoy life more. I teach so I can gift the benefits of yoga to others, so they can find the peace it offers.

I’m looking forward to teaching a weekly class (Monday’s at noon!) at Wake Up Yoga Fairmount, and to share the light of yoga. I’m sure my negative self talk will persist, even if I know my thoughts are not true. However, knowing I can offer a relaxed, nourishing, and revitalizing space for yogis and yoginis for an hour during their day makes it all worth it.

Music as a Mirror of the Self

I grew up listening to an eclectic range of music including smooth jazz, Bruce Springsteen, The Carpenters, and Alanis Morissette. Music always played in my childhood home. Bragging rights were often rewarded to whoever could answer the question “Who knows who sings this song?” first. The music flowed from being the topic of conversation to background music as my family of 7 would converse over the dinner table.

The constant of music has circulated into my adult life and influences the production of both yoga classes I teach and my personal yoga practice.

I hope you enjoy this playlist that reflects my personal style. I carefully selected songs— listen to the expressive lyrics, soulful melodies, and sweet sounds as you move through a yoga practice, house chore, or daily commute ride.

A culmination of soul grounding songs that have beachy, bright sounds intertwined with infinite possibility.

Growing Into a Dream

Chase your dreams. Dream big. If you can dream it you can do it. It’s all so exciting and inspiring, but like everything, this concept has both light and shadow.

In college my dream job was to work for a renewable energy company that had a fun company culture— preferably based in sunny southern California. At 21 years old I believed my career was limited to a 9-5 office job, and so if I had to go to work everyday, it might as well be in a welcoming and positive environment working towards a cause I was passionate about. After a series of trial and error, I finally landed my dream job as an analyst at an emerging clean tech company in Philadelphia, PA. My coworkers quickly became good friends, I had semiannual trips to our LA office (!), and I was even teaching yoga to my coworkers after working hours. I was living the dream I had curated and more.

After a year and a half in the role, I wasn’t feeling as aligned as I once had. My internal landscape became quite prickly. I began feeling ungrateful- “…but you had worked so hard and others have helped you so much to get to this point!”

I began reflecting and contemplating – is this what I want for my current self, at 25 years old? It was difficult to admit to myself that my desires have changed.

My desires now demand more flexibility. I dream of living near the beach, working my own hours, and having a schedule that has space to teach yoga. 

I began to gain interest in a career that would compliment the lifestyle I was seeking, programming. I got my start by taking classes with a local non-profit, Girl Develop It. Their beginner friendly classes not only taught me the basics, but left me feeling empowered to learn more on my own. I got into the routine of waking up early before work to teach myself how to code. I was determined. After 5 months, I realized that a coding bootcamp would catalyze my shift in careers, but that would come eventually, I thought — it doesn’t have to happen right now.

I’m not ready. I don’t know enough. Why leave my job now? There’s still space for growth and opportunity in my current role. I fed myself excuses. 

Ultimately, clinging onto an outdated dream was no match in comparison to my zeal to make the leap.

In a few weeks I’ll be starting my 5 month bootcamp to become a Software Engineer. I don’t know what will follow, but I do know I want to build a lifestyle that my soul desires. I don’t feel ready, but that’s the point.

I’m on the other side of all the confusion, resistance, and fear. Through it, I learned that I outgrew a previous self’s dream in order to grow into a dream that fits all the pieces of my current self. And if I’m lucky enough, this will not be the last time I go through this dream cycle.