Let the gifts you have to offer the world lift you from the weight of persistent self-criticism.
It’s tough to admit but I would never talk to another being the way I speak to myself. It seemed to help me academically and professionally (or so I thought), always doing more because my ego was never pleased. Although when it comes to teaching yoga, it releases this manic, negative, weasel of a monster.
As a yoga student I have deemed myself as quite the yoga teacher critique. I have taken so many classes that I have learned what I should be listening for. So as a beginner yoga teacher, I am aware of the gap between my current abilities and what my aspirations are.
In classes I stutter, have moments when I am at a loss for words, and am so frozen in fear I am unable to move around the room. I have mounts of anxiety in the leading hours before class, then during class, I am sabotaged by my mind’s critiques: “You didn’t say those queues correctly- that made no sense,” or “That student looks very unhappy, she must not like your style of teaching.” What’s the point of teaching if I am suffering so much?
I circle back on my intention of teaching. Yoga has been my guiding light and constant through my ever changing life. Yoga builds both emotional and physical strength, cultivates an inner knowing, and leaves me feeling centered. In short, yoga allows me to enjoy life more. I teach so I can gift the benefits of yoga to others, so they can find the peace it offers.
I’m looking forward to teaching a weekly class (Monday’s at noon!) at Wake Up Yoga Fairmount, and to share the light of yoga. I’m sure my negative self talk will persist, even if I know my thoughts are not true. However, knowing I can offer a relaxed, nourishing, and revitalizing space for yogis and yoginis for an hour during their day makes it all worth it.